When I baked all those fucking cookies to give out, I imagined graciously handing them over while deflecting questions about where I bought such lovely things with assurances that no, they were baked completely from scratch! And then there would be some fawning and basking. Modest basking.

Instead it’s been more me awkwardly pushing cling-wrapped plates at people while laughing nervously and saying “they’re vegan and I hope you don’t totally hate them ha ha ha ha!” and them looking dubiously at the package, possibly checking it for cat hair.

Smooth.