Good problemsNext week: closing escrow + starting school. You think I look haggard now? LOL!
Last month dreaming about dark walls led to home-ownership fantasies, and now (because I move at the speed of lightning) I’m two weeks into escrow. (I revel in how douche-ily I can say that: “You have no idea how very trying it is, being in escrow. I think I may need a vacation from all the stress!”) HOW DID THAT HAPPEN I HAVE NO IDEA. It’s been a blur and I feel mostly good about everything so far (that regrettable HOA business got…worked out, and no one died!) but none of it really feels real, like, no way am I getting keys in two weeks. That’s laughable. Something will prevent this from happening, surely. No one is going to let me own a home and paint it black! (Ok, dark gray.) Now, at around signature #4,498, it’s starting to feel a littttttttle bit more real…which means that I probably need to start packing and not just collecting boxes, looking around my apartment and growing increasingly tired as my gaze tracks from one heavy object to the next, and saying fuck it and napping. Two weeks!
But seriously, FUCK that guyThis afternoon I returned an urgent call from my real estate agent- turns out A FUCKING WEEK INTO ESCROW it’s been revealed that the seller mistakenly (wtfwtfwtf) gave their agent the wrong amount for HOA fees. The right amount? Waaaaaaay more. I haven’t canceled my offer yet (doing a bit of research first because it’s how I do) though it looks like that will probably happen. The people around me who know about this are being really sweet and very sympathetic (“are you ok? are you suuuuure you’re ok? do you need someone to talk to? because I’m here!”) which is nice but weird because it’s totally ok! I’m sad, sure. I fell in love with the place. I’ve dreamed about it and lost sleep over it. But…buying a home isn’t a necessity. It’s a luxury that, through a lot of hard work and a fair amount of luck, I may be able to attain. I mean, complaining about shopping for homes? Throw things at me if I ever become that asshole.
I'd ask for an Oscar but I'm getting a home, so ok, fineI convinced some Real Grownups (lenders, real estate agents) that I’m one of them (LOLOLOL) and now (or in 28 days, here’s hoping!) I get to play house. I am such a good actress in this pretending to be a functioning adult role.